85 DAYS! THEY’VE BEEN APART FOR ALMOST THREE TIMES AS LONG AS THEY WERE TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE. I WOULD SAY I’M CHEWING THE DRYWALL BUT THIS IS CLEARLY PLYWOOD. NEVERMIND ALL THE SPLINTERS I’M SPITTING OUT - THEY HURT LESS THAN HOW I FEEL ABOUT THESE BOYS.
gnawing on my arm because i think there’s something to be said about how stede not only dreams about himself with a beard, but ed with his full beard back too. like, the dream seems to be riddled with imagery that he thinks ed would want.
and i say this especially because of how stede reacted when ed had to shave his beard. he freaked out on his behalf. he shrieked in horror whereas ed was entirely unbothered. he feared he had ruined him, had dragged him down to some despicable level, when in actuality, ed was completely content to shed that part of his persona.
and then there he is dreaming about ed with that part right on back.
so there’s very clearly still a part of his mind that’s convinced that’s what ed wants. because why wouldn’t he? everyone else seems to. and why would he want the softness and femininity stede had been bullied for his entire life?
which in turn plays into his own imagery too. bearded, masculine, fiercesome, rugged…
because how could someone love what everyone has hated him for? how could someone want what everyone has tried to quite literally beat out of him?
having some feelings about how when ed is experiencing a self-inflicted death as drowning underwater, stede appears to him as a mermaid. ed isn’t rescued from the danger, the danger is neutralised by stede while ed stays in place
it’s not regular stede diving into the water and endangering himself to rescue ed in a mad panic. it’s merstede appearing and reframing the setting - they’re no longer in dark, dangerous waters, they’re in merstede’s home, and he’s swimming calmly towards ed and smiling at him, and he’s going to wait beside ed until he’s ready instead of grabbing ed and dragging him away. there’s no urgency anymore. ed has been able to untie the rope. everything is going to be okay. stede has made the water safe.
stede belongs there, and therefore ed does too, and it can’t harm him anymore.
just like when ed felt humiliated at the fancy party and stede manipulated the aristocrats into attacking each other - stede doesn’t just get ed out of bad situations, he turns the situation he’s in into something that is now safe
and ed does the same for stede - he stays after stede gets stabbed by the spanish and sits with him while he recovers on his own ship, newly made safe by ed’s intervention
